oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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