OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I think I died a long time ago.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
