goodnight i made you a song goodbye
too bad you live with your parents still
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
