Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
