I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
