I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
