you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
