ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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