pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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