Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
