I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
