I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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