I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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