Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
