I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
