those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
