I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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