Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Randomize
