god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
