That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
