What did we do last night that was yellow?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
