I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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