I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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