Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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