he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
