when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
