He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize