I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
