so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
