I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
