Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
foreskin is a definite game changer
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
