I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I need to calm my uterus...
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
