I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
