Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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