Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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