Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
