i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
