I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize