at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
