Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
