Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize