I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
