Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
