Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
