I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
