Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
