At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
