Yo dont text me then not text me
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Randomize
