I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
3pm strippers are depressing
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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