Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
