I wish I only lived at night.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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