I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
