I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
