I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
