Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My dad just said "fuck circus"
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize