Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
