I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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