Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
