And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
