Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
We got so high we made milksteak
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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