I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
