I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
