i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
