A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize