I could make wine with my vomit
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
