I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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