my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
