It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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