I smell stomach acid.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
