Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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