Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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