your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Even my vagina gasped.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
