google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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