nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
