i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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