you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
