a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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